NO PANTS TILL BROOKLYN! bridge.

No Pants Subway Ride 2K6

I was supposed to go with a few friends.

They all bailed.

I went by myself.

I almost got arrested again.*

It was amazing.

So I get to foley square around 2:30, and theres already a big group (over 160 people) surrounding the statue thing and there’s this guy looking at me expectantly as I approach.  I say to him, “No pants?” and he nods.  I was at the place.

There were professional photographers and videographers all around, interviewing people, getting footage of our pre strip jitters, blending into the scene.  I found some people that looked youngish and made friends.  After we separated into groups, we were prepped about what was actually gonna occur.  At each stop, assigned people would strip, and then move into the next car.  I in the was 4^th stop, 4^th car group.

So we all get on the train and pretend we didn’t know each other.  I was fake listening to my ipod next to the fake UPS man and the fake couple.  At my stop, after the doors closed, I stood up slowly, walked to the front of the car, took off my skirt, threw it to a woman with a duffel bag, and waited for the doors to open.  (side note, they were unsexy black boyish hanes briefs.  Wanted to be conservative after all)  Then I stepped out of the car at Union Square, underwear and all, and walked to the next one.  Already, there were pantless people reading the paper, and doing crossword puzzles etc…  I grabbed a pole and blended in.  Rode the subway like I normally do, only I was wearing pants, and was being recorded by a film crew.

Honestly, I was kind of disappointed at the reaction though.  I thought the passengers would be in a semi uproar.  However, most of them didn’t really seem that phazed.  A few giggled, asked us if they were in the “lucky car,” or shifted away from us, but that was really it.

After a while the pants sellers came on the car.  “Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I am selling pants for a dollar!  Pants for a dollar!” 

I waited a bit and then piped up,

“Do you have any skirts??” 

“Nope!  Check the guy at the other end.”

Sure enough, there was a man on the other side of the crowded car, selling pants as well.

I had to push my way through the thick thick crowed of pantsed people in my underwear to get to him.

It was like one of those nightmares where you’re naked in a public place.

Cept it wasn’t that embarrassing or scary.

I ended up finding my skirt, and bought it back.

The guy told me it was ugly, and I was probably better off buying jeans.

But I told him I was allergic to denim

And that skirt would have to do.

Okay, now the arrest.

For some reason the train stopped.  And wouldn’t start.  At first I didn’t realy think of it.  After all, I was too busy buying pants and talking with strangers about how funny it was that so many people forgot to wear pants today.  But then we saw the cops.  They were banging on windows and peering in.  And there were so many of them.  We knew something was up.  Then an announcer came on saying that the train was going to be shut down.  Everyone needed to get out.  Now.

We get out, and see flashes of light around a group of cops.  In the center were about 10 people in their underwear lined up against a wall.  Caught.  One guy was reading a book and whistling the national anthem.  There were about 20 people people filming/taking pictures and then 50 people around them, chanting for their release. 

“NO PANTS IS NOT A CRIME! NO PANTS IS NOT A CRIME!”

The cops started freaking out and yelling at us.  Telling us to move and theres nothing to see.  We were literally blocking up the entire platform.  Well that’s what you get for telling us to leave the train!  We kept chanting for their freedom and the cops kept getting more upset.  Some guy came up to me and asked what was going on.  I said, “I dunno, but those guys have no pants on.  Weird huh?”  After about 20 mins on the platform of confusion, the cops took away the line of people.  One of them was one of my newly made friends. I don’t know where she is now.  Jail maybe?  The whistler threw a fist up in the air in victory.  We clapped reverently.  Sirens could be heard in the background.

We were then told to all meet uptown at the Brooklyn Bridge stop for recon.  The original plan was to go all the way to 125^th and then do it all over again going the other direction.  But the cops had kinda squelched that idea.  On the train back, about 30 of us piled into one car and started singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall. Except, it was 99 pairs of pants on the train (you take one off, pass it around…98 pairs of pants on the wall). You know, I’ve never sang any song that enthused. (sp?) We were jumping up and down, screaming out the words, banging the roof in rhythm. We even got the other passengers to join in and waved goodbye to them when they got off the train. It was funny to see someone about to get in our car, and then jump ack as the doors opened to our ruckus. After arriving at "zero pants on the train," we came up with other chants like, “NO! PANTS!  TILL BROKYLN! bridge.”  And “SLACKS IS WACK!”  and other silly things like that. 

So much fun.

So so much fun.

I hope she's not still in jail.

*see, Critical Mass bike rally